Expectation & Anticipation

Good morning. It is 3 hours before our Sunday service begins at Redeemer. I am sitting in one of our 3 local Tim Horton's since God has not brought Starbucks to Monroe yet. Yet...

I am trying to pray. I mean that I am trying to talk to God about what we can do together today. I am having a hard time this morning because it is more natural for me to think about what I think I can do on my own rather than talk to Him about what we could do together. Trust me, church this morning will be more fun if God gets to be involved in the process.

As I ponder and pray about this morning with God I begin to feel my expectations rise inside of me. There is a hopefulness that emerges from prayer. Simultaneously I feel a sense of foreboding within me challenging my burgeoning optimism. I recognize it. It is my fear of being disappointed. This is not new to me. Genuine time spent with God, even when brief, results in hope, optimism and an expectation of good to come. Often I can feel it deep inside. The fear of being disappointed that sometimes will try to rear itself is rooted in both my pride and shame. My pride does not like to feel or look foolish. What if God doesn't meet my sensed hopes or expectations? My shame leads me to second guess whether I am really worthy of God doing amazing things in my life or even if it's preposterous to think He would communicate with someone as flawed as me.

So I consistently challenge myself to embrace hope, optimism, and lofty expectations. I fight within myself to silence the voice of discouragement and fear. Lowering my expectations of God to what is humanly possible is akin to riding a bike with training wheels our entire life. What feels safe is often limiting to our potential. I also try to focus on God's abilities rather than my own. God-focus increases my faith while self-focus increases my doubt. The more I focus on and know Him the more that I will expect the seemingly impossible to take place.

This morning I am anticipating that The Holy Spirit will be recognizably present at Redeemer. I also expect that God is going to share with me some things that He wants me to tell certain individuals. He could tell them on His own without my help, but I think He delights in partnering with us to benefit each other.

Again today, I commit myself to choose hopefulness. I anticipate our perfectly good God to do perfectly good things in our midst. I choose to expect Him to allow even me to participate in all of it.

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