Suffering & Joy

Greg Boyd's work is the best I have ever read on why evil exists.



Today I talked with my friend Lilly. Lilly has had a very difficult past couple of years. Several family members have passed away after grueling illnesses. She has had several bouts with cancer. Last month on the day of her mother's funeral her husband had a stroke.

Almost every time I talk with Lilly she looks at me and says, "God must have a reason for doing all this." My heart breaks every time she says it. First, because she has suffered so much pain and then because she thinks God is orchestrating it.

I don't believe that God is causing the suffering in her life. Not one bit. But that is to be the subject of a post sometime in the future. Lilly said something else that arrested my attention long after I stopped talking with her. She looked at me with a gleam in her eye and said, "I can't wait until the marriage supper (after Jesus' return). I don't belong in this world. I just want to be with Him."

Here is a woman that has seen so much suffering and believes that God has willfully and purposefully caused all of it, yet her love for God shines through her eyes. While I disagree with her theology regarding God causing sickness, I am deeply moved by her eschatological vision and her love for Jesus.

Theological nuances aside, I could use a good dose of Lilly's passion and vision. Over the past couple of years I have arrogantly thought that I have something to teach her. I have something to learn from her. She loves God in the midst of trial. Her eyes are focused on eternity in this moment. I bet that pleases God.
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Bitterness is Toxic

James Tissot's "Michal despises David" from 1898


Thinking about Michal today. Remember Michal? King Saul's daughter that was in love with David. Saul gave her to David in marriage for 100 Philistine foreskins in an attempt to get David killed. Then Daddy tried to kill David repeatedly. I am sure she had Daddy issues.

David fled town. Saul gave Michal away in marriage to another man. The new husband is CRAZY about Michal. Daddy dies in battle & David officially becomes king.

One of King David's first orders of business was to go get Michal from New Husband and reclaim her as one of his wives. In one of the saddest verses in the bible New Husband follows behind Michal wailing as she is taken off to again be David's wife.

Maybe she was sick of New Husband adoring her so much and she longed to be one of David's wives. The text doesn't tell us how she felt. Sadly, that is probably because no one asked or was concerned.

Later comes Michal's most famous, or rather infamous moment. Once when David returns home successfully he dances before God worshiping wearing very little. Michal is embarrassed by this and calls him undignified. David promises that "Girl, I'll show you undignified!" (may not be an exact quote).
Because Michal criticized something as holy as the worship of someone before God she was struck barren and was unable to have children.

I do not think the following is probably true. I just wonder if it's possible that it could be true. What if Michal was so angry and hurt by being treated like a commodity and having to leave a crying husband that really wanted her that she became spiteful toward David? What if the injustice of going from being a princess to one of the King's many many women that injustice spoiled inside of her and turned to bitterness? I wonder...

Sometimes our response toward being wronged can put us in an even worse place. We are not responsible for the wrong things that happen to us but we are responsible for the way we deal with them. By releasing forgiveness toward those who wrong us we set ourselves free. When someone is unable to forgive another they are victimized doubly. First by the act that occurred, the second by toxicity of undealt with emotions and feelings. The most loving thing a person can do for themselves is to release others of their wrongdoings.



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Too Long to Tweet

I love using Twitter. Twitter for me is a man at a party carrying around an hors d'oeuvre tray. It provides light digestible thoughts without having to stop and take time for a full mental meal. I follow Greg Boyd, Bill Johnson, John Piper, and many others on Twitter. I get to read their condensed ideas without time spent following their train of thought through a book, essay, or even a blog post.

The downside of Twitter is that it provides quotable thoughts without context. It creates an environment where being quotable supersedes being fully thought out on subjects. The context that a tweet (or any quote for that matter) is birthed out of is essential to understanding it's true intended meaning. For example, "God often offends our mind to reveal our heart" is a phrase that I have heard quotes probably hundreds of times. After being repeated so often without context that can lead someone to assume that our thinking is a detriment to a full spiritual life. In a fuller context it can be explained that our response to the supernatural (when God does things outside of what we can understand) could be an indicator of our heart condition. Unfortunately that quote has been used to paint a picture of a false rivalry between head and heart in Christians.

In the pages of the writings of great spiritual thinkers there are many quotable gems to be found. I love reading those gems on Twitter as the authors or their readers post them. However I am sensing a need in myself to go beyond the surface and get a better context from which those gems came. If I am quotable; great. If I am fully thought out; better.


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Jealous? Part Deux

Isn't it interesting that the very thing that Saul feared was actualized through his jealousy of David? Saul feared that David would be honored and revered more than himself by the people. Saul's jealousy pushed people away from him and highlighted the favor on David's life even more.

As I read 1 Samuel it feels like Saul is trapped in a "Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!" season. Everywhere he turns people are loving David. Saul's son Jonathan made an oath to protect David from his dad. His daughter hid David when Dad sent men over to kill him in the night. As Saul grew more hateful the people around him adored David more.

Jealousy leads to irrational thoughts and behaviors. Saul's reason was so clouded that he killed the priest Ahimelek for feeding David on his journey. Saul then had 85 priests slaughtered because they were associated with Ahimelek. Then Saul had the men, women,children, infants, and all livestock of the town of Nob butchered because Ahimelek lived there.

Be vigilant with feelings of jealousy and rivalry toward others. Do not let them grow wild. Unchecked they can turn a king into a madman.



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Jealous?

Envy is the ulcer of the soul. - Socrates


God's favor upon a person often provokes jealousy in others. Jealousy is toxic to the development of relationships while internally damaging the person who is jealous. It also leads to irrational thoughts and behaviors.

The story of David is a good example. Goliath was punking out the Israelites daring them to fight while they hid in fear. Doom seemed imminent as the days went by. King Saul offered marriage to his oldest daughter Merab for anyone that could defeat Goliath. No one stepped up to try. That must have a boon to her self image. (Maybe Saul could have guaranteed that anyone that killed Goliath would not have to marry Merab and gotten a few takers.)

David shows up on the scene and is met with disdain by his older brothers. Saul then gives David the "Rocky, you can't win!" speech that Talia Shire gave in the first four of the movies. Everyone assumes that David is about to be giant food when shockingly he wins. He cuts of Goliath's head and the Philistines run from the Israelites like preteen boys from a shower.









Celebrations ensue with singing and dancing. David becomes a hero overnight and Saul will feel indebted to him forever. Right? Nope. Saul allowed David's success to provoke him toward jealousy rather than thankfulness. Saul's insecurity caused him to feel lack when seeing David's abundance.

Jealousy of another causes us to see another person's blessings through the lens of our own lack. Saul's vision was so impeded by his jealousy that he tried to kill David repeatedly. Saul remained king because of the favor on David's life and he hated him for it!

If I am secure in my identity and my relationship with God I can celebrate other's successes freely. I want to have the heart of a father toward others in this regard. I want to be so secure that I always desire for those who come after me to have greater successes than mine. Because Jesus' identity was not in His works, He could desire for us to do even greater things than Him without fear.

When I begin to feel hints of jealousy arising inside of me I try to take action immediately. I ask for forgiveness for doubting God's plan in my life and for thinking that someone else being blessed is withdrawing from me somehow. I then ask God to pour outrageous favor on the person in the area I was jealous about.

If I focus on the things God is doing in my life I am not prone to jealousy. It is when I focus on what I think God is not doing that I catch myself struggling. I don't want to be like Saul - being threatened by what is God is doing for fear of losing my own little kingdom.

By the way, after killing Goliath David said "thanks but no thanks" to marrying Saul's daughter Merab. David later married one of Saul's other daughters Michal. That could make family dinner's awkward.


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In My Opinion

Today I am again recognizing the tyranny of my own opinions regarding other people's affairs. I have opinions about so many things that are none of my business. I have opinions about things in which I have less than zero expertise. There is a sickness inside of me that believes I have it is my right to have and express those opinions.

There have been times where I have heard a story about people I have never met that are going through a situation I have never experienced and I quickly spit out what they ought to do. A person's life can be so complex and full of unseen factors that it is literally impossible (unless God brings revelation) for me to know with any surety what they should have done from afar.

One of my least favorite things to hear said to anyone is "You know what you would if you were smart?" Because implied in that is that what you have been doing is not smart and the person speaking is going to now give you a tutorial on what an intelligent person would do.
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This next story is embarrassing. As a very young adult I worked with several older men who had opinions on everything. Over time I had heard them criticize a certain businessman from Detroit repeatedly. His intelligence and his ethics were consistently attacked. They had opinions like that about all kinds of people. I would listen and learn waiting for the chance to regurgitate their opinions as my own and sound smart (so I thought).

Some time later I was in a training class for a new job I had taken. During one of the breaks someone had a newspaper and there was a story about that certain businessman from Detroit. Ignoring all common sense, I said that the man "is an illiterate criminal". It wasn't enough for me to have an uninformed opinion. No, I needed to have a really BIG DUMB uninformed opinion. The sweet young lady that I was sharing a desk with looked over at me and said quietly, "He is my uncle."

Horrifying isn't it? The man that I slandered could have been a mixture of Billy Graham and Ghandi rolled into one. I probably wouldn't have recognized him if he would have squeezed in and sat down between me and his niece. Yet that didn't stop me. I had no right having an opinion about someone I didn't know well much less someone I had never met.

I try (occasionally with success) to catch myself now and not give people opinions about things that:
a) I do not understand
b) I was not asked for an opinion about
c) will not be improved by me having an opinion.

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Hear Ye, Hear Me?

(Klondike commercial that is more sad than funny as a commentary of our times)



The thoughts in a person's heart are deep waters...

I often imagine the innermost feelings and thoughts of a person to be like treasure on the bottom of the ocean floor. I also picture myself having to hold my breath to get from above water to ocean floor where the treasure lies. These images are helpful to me because I can't hold my breath and talk at the same time. If I really want to find the deep things of a person I need to be quiet long enough to get there. I have to be patient, willing to wait through as I journey from water's top, through the shallows, and eventually all the way to the treasure.

My desire to talk rather than listen is my nemesis in relationships. I have never learned about another by listening to myself talk to them. We live in a culture where silence and true dialogue are foreign commodities. Sadly, having only the tv on is the new silence of our age. Patience, quietness, and active listening are necessary components to foster an atmosphere of understanding.

My relationship with individuals and with God have this in common; I am a better friend when I listen intentionally. It has to be intentional because it feels way more natural to give my unasked for opinion as soon as it floats through my mind. It has to be intentional also because someone will never get to finish a thought or story if I butt in each time their words remind me of something about me.

Some waters are deeper than others. Some treasure seems to float toward the surface while some seem to take a whole lot of breath-holding to get down to it. I am determined to practice holding my breath until I can reach the ocean floor without passing out.

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